Who to let walk away.....

God determines who walks into your life....it's up to you to decide who you let walk away, who you let stay, and who you refuse to let go!"

I have been so blessed for the last few years acquiring new friends. We have quite a circle of awesome friends now. For years I didn't let people in really in the friend department I had my two childhood friends and my sister in law and that is all I relied on for advise & friendship. In the last few years I have come out of a shell sorta speak and broaden my horizons and meet some of the greatest friends. I have a hard time with trust and I think that is why I had so much reservation with new friends. Everyone that knows me knows I will NOT work with a woman. I find women to be petty, mean, and gossipy. If a woman is the boss that is the worst look out!!! I have NEVER worked for a woman that could handle the power. I know, real nice I am a woman and most of you reading this are too right! I speak truth though and I think many of you can agree. Everytime I have worked with a group of women I end up being the hated one. I think the reason being is I am brash and to the point and I usually don't mince words and most women find that offensive plus jealousy is another thing. Not that I am full of myself or anything like that but jealousy comes in play with women a lot and with me especially because I am so confident in myself and my work abilities. I love working with all men. Not that they are superior to women but I don't go home crying because of the way they treat me. They never have let me down with repeating things I have said to them or talking bad about me in general. They will say what they think of me directly to me. I do find however there is times in friendships especially with a large group of women that are all friends with one another that there will come a time when one might talk to one of the friends about another of the friends. Women when they have a problem with another woman will generally go to another friend with advice about the problem 1st before going to her friend. Is this wrong? I had never thought so until now. I always felt if you were talking to a friend that is shared between you both and you were talking in concern for the friend and if it wasn't something spiteful or hateful there was nothing wrong with it. Yes there have been times I am sure all of us had said a snide or shitty remark about one of us to another shit that is human! I am sure I have done it and I really have never claimed to be an angel and I also know I can be a real asshole at times! If somebody hasn't said a rude thing about me ever I would be concerned! HA-HA I will be the first to fess up ya I said that! And if an apology is necessary I am big enough to give one. So the topic for today..... Who to let walk away.... This is hard for me but at times you have to do it. I am the first to admit when I am hurt I can be very mean and unforgiving. I am forgiving however but at times I will forgive but really someone can lose a place in my heart by the depth they hurt me. A person can go from a close friend to someone that I will be cordial to but never extend my hand to again. I have only a very small number of these type of friends but if any of these friends that lost a place in my heart were to call me and NEED me I would still be there but on a daily basis I could not because of the loss of trust. If you are wondering why I am telling you all of this it is because I am in a huge struggle. I am at a juncture where I feel I have to let a friend go or walk away sorta speak. I shared some extremely private things with a friend about a friend that we both share. Some of the things I shared were how my friends child felt. I was needing a friend to help me discuss all the things I had concerns about with our friend we share in common. I really, really trusted this friend and I really thought she knew me well enough to know what I was telling her was private and that I needed her help on what to do. Everything I said was not out of hate or in any way shape or form in a gossipy type of talk. Instead of helping me take these concerns to our mutual friend and help a child that expressed her hurt to me my friend took my concerns to our friend with out me and told her as if I were gossiping. In turn the child that I was MOST concerned about it is hurt and mad at my daughter because of my sharing of these very private feelings and the friend I wanted to help is so bitter at me I don't see any way of fixing us. I am questioning myself over and over again did I do something to deserve this? I suppose in part I should of never asked for help from someone else but sometimes I lack strength and I really thought I was doing the right thing. My heart was in the right place so I had thought. When things like this happen I really withdraw and I have no trust in anyone. So my heart aches right now. It is never fun losing a friend or in this case friends. So if I am quiet for a few days please understand it is who I am when I hurt. Love all around.